I rant...like a bitch.

2011-01-03T20:26:00.002+11:00

小朋友今晚就出國

精神恍惚
有點... 不知所措
今晚和朋友的聚餐被延期了

這一殺那
很空
心有被掏空的寂寞

雖然
這只是短暫
希望只是短暫

工作量還很低
我不得不分心
去想
我還在想

..............................

原來含姐很依賴她。

2010-04-28T03:07:00.002+10:00

Hectic. Bloody HELL. I hate ApRiL

Burn out

I ain't good. I am just average.

Overestimation. Please let me go.

McD is my dinner mate.

Stout is my best friend.

iPhone is my soulmate.

Blackberry is my nightmare.

Barcadi Apple you are darn caring. I managed to let it all out.

3in1...nope it's not the nescafe. 3in1 bed. Thanks to HBB and J, LOL

Cried my lung out. Go away. GO AWAY. I hate to be so fragile in front of you.

Ash is my tou dai :D

Daddy falls sick :(

Holiday is coming. YEAY

Wanna drop dead so badly.

Say aah....Say aah....

Officially hate Caltex.

Driving range? maybe this weekend.

2010-04-19T04:30:00.002+10:00

Yet again, I m thinking about you.

Good for you, have found your next rice bowl.

Happy for you. Truly I feel.

I hate corrinne bailey...her songs make me keep playing flashbacks.

Crushing my heart...over and over again...

Those are the feelings that I would never wish to encounter at this point of time.

I despise it.

I despise myself.

For being not adaptive.

It is torturing me. Torturing my sleep. Torturing my mind. Torturing my life.

I overestimated myself. And yes, it runs in the Leo's. Helplessly.

A better sleep, is all I need now.

Good night peeps.....

2010-04-02T17:02:00.002+11:00

My cervical spine is lagi sengit now...aduh.

Went to Gleneagles Intan Hospital Ampang yesterday.

Dr Shue suggested X-ray

c5 & c6 ...misaligned even more now

Anyway, it's not so critical yet, fortunately

But pain management needs to be incorporated asap

And I am advised to go through 3 wks of intensive physiotherapy and medication

What matters now is to control soft tissue inflammation and complications on neuro

I was upset to see the disc between c5 and c6 getting out of track

the x-ray film sent me chill...a big caution for me to start taking care of my neck now

and

Ouch...my neck is hurting me now. It seems that the prescription doesnt work effectively.

2010-03-30T21:44:00.002+11:00

我想我多少都有点成长

我比我想象中还要坚强

我也蛮讶异的

身边知情的朋友都关心地每天问我今天过得怎么样，有没有好一点啊？

我都老实地回答说，我很好啊，没事，又不是第一次了，哈哈

我开始在享受这种毫无束缚的生活了，一切都很顺利

说到这种挫折嘛...

反正我之前也做了最坏的打算

心理着实有了准备

人都是自私和现实的

就当我又上了一堂宝贵的课

希望你过得安好

加油。要加油。你会很快成功的。

哦，我换新电话了，iPhone!
爱上我的新宠物了。爽！

2010-03-27T20:26:00.002+11:00

我是个血肉之躯

我是有情感的人类

我也很渴望做个机械人啊，丝毫感觉不到任何情绪

呃，不可能

我要麻痹，麻痹，一直麻痹下去

工作是我的麻醉针

朋友是我的精神支柱

家人是我的精神寄托

你...却是我的精神障碍

宁愿你什么都不是

2010-03-27T15:07:00.002+11:00

Friends are the best remedy!

Be strong.

Be strong, to all of us who have encountered the unexpected events recently which has torn us apart.

Like what my friend said, I have ASSETS, I still have so much more to experience.

I am excited about what will get into my life in time to come.

F R E E D O M - M O N E Y - P O W E R

2010-03-24T18:11:00.001+11:00

Thank you for ripping my heart apart

2010-03-22T02:49:00.000+11:00

哭了，还是哭了

我要Emo 一下

别阻我

走开

2010-03-20T14:40:00.003+11:00

St Patrick's Day

I wanna be healthy. Drink Stouttttttttt

2010-03-18T21:03:00.003+11:00

我必须承认我终究是个普通人

呃..我...错失了什么？

历史给了我很多幻影

我在重播我们的对话

低头不语

不想去理
但不能不理
我的血，是温热的

我的心，也是温热的
你呢？

你，飞了
在万尺上空

我在这里
等你回来
等你

等你的答案

2010-03-16T19:03:00.002+11:00

What the dooooooot!

FUCKING STRESSED

3 months, only 3 months to justify my senior path!!!!!!!!

June will be the verdict time.

To be M level personnel...or NOT.

Thanks Jazmine for giving me such an attractive offer.

I wont let you down.

2010-03-10T17:42:00.003+11:00

B L A N K

My mind is blank.

My eyes are blank.

I didn't get to sleep the whole night yesterday.

After meeting up with my girls for drinks, I went straight to bed.

I fell asleep fairly fast.

I woke up in pain at 230am.

Period pain. I rolled my body and trembled.

I tried to pull myself from the bed and fix a cup of hot water.

My legs were weak. I felt unbearable pain on my stomach. I couldn't stand and walk.

And there I was lying on my bed till dawn, in pain & cold sweat.

At 730am, I crawled on my bed, trying so hard to stand and walked to my toilet, getting myself prepared to MBPJ and Shah Alam Planning Office to do land research.

FML

The most terrifying period pain I have ever had. pffft....

2010-03-08T02:57:00.002+11:00

Some things are meant to be unspoken at some points in time.

Though I wanted to share with you so badly, I noticed that it wasn't the right time to tell you how wonderful my sales progressed and ended up beautifully earlier today.

At this point of time, I know you need something else. Something you need the most.

Comfort and support. Yea?

Unfortunately, I can't seem to be the right person who can always comfort you and make you smile.

Yet, I am doing my very best.

I am here, for you. No matter how.

Don't worry about giving me more stress. Yes undoubtedly I am freaking stressed up with my work but compared to yours, mine is nothing.

So please, bear with me, dont give up. Don't you dare give up, cuz if you do, you are not only giving up on me, but also your self.

I always work late recently.

Cuz I am going to realize our dreams as soonest as we can, for whatever it takes, I am just gonna reach out my hands to yours, and together we cling onto our future. OUR future. It is a matter of TWO persons, YOU and ME.

The pain will take place for sure, and it has been already going on now. But, it will not stick on ur butt for long. You are the compass of your life. You fight for better. You are the life warrior. And thereafter, you are going to be my role model. In my heart, I have already reserved a place for you.

You are going to change your life now, making an freaking awesome comeback and letting all of us even more proud of you! You know what? I can't wait for this!

So, do not let fear defeat you. start from scratch, and...

FIGHT!!!

You have my support. You knew it.

<3

2010-02-26T16:14:00.002+11:00

I am seriously panicking

My debut project has gone to a sluggish stage

And I feel unfairly treated

The sales team has rather focused on UK

What about Melbourne?

I am leading the Australian Chapter, but how am I supposed to progress without the support from our team?

Nightmare. I got chased by developers every single day. More than twice in a day.

My debut, it's my bloody debut!!!!! I dont wanna screw it, bloody hell.

I am fucking panicking now :(

2010-02-23T06:20:00.000+11:00

It's almost 4am now but I'm still wide awake
Not sure how much longer we can hold on
I'm virtually defeated, and scared
I'm troubled. I'm the trouble

Fuck my life

2010-02-23T03:10:00.001+11:00

Communication break-down ah! FML!

2010-02-19T01:18:00.005+11:00

First time in my life, I hate Chinese New Year.

It's nothing to do with whom I have met and where I have gone during the festive season.

Mood. I simply lose the mood.

Diu.

p/s: Whinge! on the blog.

2010-02-15T03:53:00.002+11:00

The first day of Lunar CNY

As usual, woke up and rushed to get prepared

red packets for papa and mama, together with their new clothes. They love it :)

Visit Tan Chong's Motor owner Dato Tan Kim Hock, meeting up bunch of childhood family friends

Gambling session at Shermaine's place. Won some lucky bucks.

Dinner at home, steamboat

Full like shit.

DVD session with dad. Cozy night. Dad is my all time fav home theater partner.

And now I m having stout alone in my room, blogging and surfing facebook.

Happy Valentine's, my prince.

So near, yet so far.

14.2.2009

We became an icon

8 months down the road

We said good bye, so long.

Tragic, Hah!

2010-02-13T15:09:00.002+11:00

It sucks to feel so down on valentine's eve/Lunar New Year eve.

Quarter life crisis....you beat me.

Crawling on to my bed...I wish I could sleep as long as I could so I would be able to take my time to get myself settled in my dream.

I hate this wicked feeling. Everything seems to be so insecure

And it feels so heart-wrenching to be told that I didnt seem to care.
I have encountered a series of confront because of my inappropriate behaviour.
It...just doesnt sound like ME. I was not like that.
But because Im stressed, I have turned to be a different person. An absent-minded jerk.

So I tried my best, taking all initiatives. But what paid me back has brought me into slumps and slumps and more slumps. I am not giving up yet, of course.

How long it will take to pull me back on track? I wonder. I wish the soonest.

2010-02-07T14:23:00.002+11:00

My assumption is justified this time.

I was feeling disastrous last night and having difficulty to sleep. At 2am I pressed my phone, texting my brother and sharing what I have been going through recently.

He answered my doubts. I am suffering my own quarter life crisis now. A brand new life circle occurs when everyone is at their mid-20's. The inconsistent flow of emotions and stress is much more intense. It's my turn now.

The symptoms:

I lose strong grip on my EQ. On one hand I have an unpredictable career path, though I've been much rare opportunity to be in-charge of big projects, I have great portfolio but I don't know if my company would fairly recognise my contribution. The insecurity is there as I have seen my partner and some friends feeling resentful as input of effort doesn't not equal to how much they get paid.

My workload is madness. Increased frustration attacks me non-stop. Being workaholic is my nature yet my neck and frequent migraine kill me softly. On the other hand, I lose taking a balance on my personal life i.e my private space & love life. I talk less. I don't want to hear words that upset me. Though he or she never means to, but I tend to magnify the sensitivity. Therefore now, im living in avoidance.

I told my brother every single symptom I am suffering.
He replied. A long sms full of love, understanding and care.

I broke into tears after seeing his text. Yea, he is right. it's not easy, and it is not entirely a bad stage. I feel insecure because I m now taking my life seriously. I just need time to get prepared for adjustments.. Family, myself, career and love.

Sometime, it's inappropriate to get more friends to talk to. Differing feedback and thoughts are confusing me. I would rather talk to just 1 or 2 friends, and most importantly, my one and only sibling, my brother.

One of my close friends called me up last night. We were supposed to meet up for pool session but we got it called off as she wasn't feeling well. Instead, we had a long chat over the phone. I shared a lil bit of my hardship.

She advised that the ideal way to strengthen a relationship, is to work smart rather than work hard. A brighter career will somehow disrupt a good relationship. It will not help if I get overstressed about my career, though eventually I might obtain an express track of getting job promotion and advanced exposure. However, I should consider my other half too. She emphasized that both my partner and I are undoubtedly strong individuals. But at some points, I have to "unstrap" my tightening character, giving my partner a breathing space, security and comfort, and eventually, a sense of responsibility to guide me, fulfilling her part as my loved one.

Perhaps she is right. I'm still in the midst of justifying her point of view.

I just think that the whole series is like what my brother said, a treasure hunt. Question marks pop up at any minute. But I cant let them eat me alive. I need to lift myself up, seeking solutions to clear the cloud.... my brother offers to stand by me, giving me neccessary guidance when i need. Hope, and i need more hopes. They give me strength.

The time around..the pain is the most tedious one to put off.

2010-02-05T03:26:00.002+11:00

SIGHHHHH. I suck

I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK

I SUCK BIG TIME

I just don't feel good at all, after the phone call.

Sheesh!

唉。。。我真的很差劲

差劲

差劲透顶

心情无法平静，放下电话之后情绪波动依然极度不稳定。

他娘的。

I am not good at talking at all as my mind has been preoccupied by many unnecessary things. I should bloody stop it and get my emotion managed within the appropriate limit.

I am stressed, yes, fucking stressed. But I should relax too. My work stress is NOTHING compared with some others.

我失败了，我彻底地失去沟通能力了。每分每秒都有许多紧要的小事务一直盘旋在我脑海中。其实这些东西应该保留到明天才去着手解决。是时候停止这一切，太荒谬了。是时候好好地管理我的情绪，我不能失控。真的不能呵。

我能怎样呢？What am I supposed to do?

容忍很重要，陈小姐。

roll up your sleeves n just keep doing, perserverance, Shelvin Tan.

2010-02-04T22:31:00.002+11:00

上帝，我有个祈求。

我希望我的时间表，能多出48个小时。

我，好累。
真的累坏了。

心中有股冲动，在毫无人烟的地方，疯狂地呐喊。
日益加重的工作量，不是能在一朝一夕之内就能完成的。
我的脑袋儿开始衰歇了，其效率经已大不如前了。
这是虚脱的预兆。我知道。我明瞭。

能干，又怎样？没有足够的体力，我实在辛苦得很。

每天晚上，脑袋总是几万斤的重。
耳边嗡嗡作响。
睡前，和她在电话上聊，我拼老命地专心倾听，深怕自己的疲惫导致自己不留神而错失她说的每一句话，而我则会不小心地说错什么。她也很累很累，很低落。大家都在为生计挣扎。

她正经历着人生低潮期。我。。。真得很心疼。
我的能力杯水车薪，帮不了什么。
我只能默默地陪着她度过每一道难关。
在这种非常时期，大家都可能无意中对着对方闹情绪。
不过，我相信大家很快地能渡过这次的挑战。

看着电脑银幕，茫然，惆怅。
不过，我还是要加油。
撑下去,因为我还有她：）

2010-02-02T01:52:00.001+11:00

Finally my precious has found her tenants.

I suppose that they might have come across my ad via lowyat forum. Maybe.
I'm glad that my post on low yat forum earlier today has helped in a way.

Though the deal is not entirely secured since the deposit is pending and will be paid to her tomorrow, I am really happy and relieved.

At least the stress level has been decreased. She has less worries now. That's the most important part.

At least, I did my very small part...though I wish I could help more.

Once the tenants pay tomorrow, rest assured, only a few electric appliances need to be installed within these few days, and also the kitchen cabinet.

During the past few days, I couldn't help feeling guilty. I know I had neglected her due to my hectic workload. I'm really sorry.

I can continue to focus on my work now. And I can't wait to go out with her and relax once everything has been settled.

And...

I guess I need to see Dr Shue for spinal injury treatment before CNY. Sighs.

2010-02-01T05:30:00.002+11:00

And the aftermath....

There are things I shall not dwell on.

There are things I shall start to put aside.

Human nature is interesting. There is law of attraction. We all love to do hypothesis. Many times we know the consequences that tied to our reaction/response on various issues, and how the audience answers or voices out thereafter. We have the conscience that certain responses will generate similar feedback; however we occasionally have been eaten up by emotional vulnerability and have chosen not to just keep quiet and swallow the backfire from the other party; we bite back, followed by a chunk of provocation. In the end, nobody wins.

I learn my lesson well today.

Thanks to my precious who corrects and listens to me.

I know what I should do now.

It’s Feb now. Fab Feb!

2010-02-01T04:30:00.002+11:00

The First Attempt

Well...

In the first place, I just wanted to get back what I deserve. This is our unfinished business. Both of us had agreed to get it resolved in time to come. It was initially a courtesy call, isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Yet, there seemed to be communication breakdown. You put me on fault. You still bury yourself with the thought that I had put our issue to public, putting your reputation at stake. I am not a kid, all these while never be. You are down with your prejudice that I god-damned were. Aren’t you suffering too? Keep telling yourself that you are confronted by a kid. Aren’t you agitating too? Why don’t you start treating yourself better by taking things simple and easy? Be not so tied-up, will you?

As for me, after experiencing and knowing your traits to this matter, I decided to treat myself better. I choose to believe in your difficulty. Perhaps I shall not pursue, anymore, as I know the end result will stand still. Our issue will stay stagnant for a while, I believe. The person who never changes, is you. I sincerely hope that you can move on.

I’m gonna love myself more and let the issue become my generosity to you in the past, like fulfilling an obligation to put your financial at ease. Else say, a charity? J

After this chapter of combat, I will certainly dismiss your words and be back on track in no time, because I am strong, more than you could ever imagine.

Good night =)

2010-01-21T16:02:00.002+11:00

G R U M P Y

Back from Hong Kong, a series of shopping extravaganza.

I had fun and I miss HK badly. I miss all the good time with Agnes, Esther & Joey (and thanks Frances for meeting up with us) in Pearl of Orient.
I miss HK Yiun Yeung and Pei Dan Sao Yuk Porridge, Polo Bun, steamboat, tau fu fah etc.
Shopping Spree was lunatic. Though I thought I could go even crazier.

I hate to go back to work. Hate it hate it hate it.
Workload piles up all of a sudden.
~!@#$%^&*()
Gao Meng arh......
:(

2010-01-14T13:21:00.002+11:00

Some thoughts

New embark and new endeavor. Be it luck or hardships, I’m kicking out of it. I love my life. I love the peeps. I love my job. I love YOU.

The biggest fortune of life - Cherish someone while being cherished
I see the path ahead. It’s crystal clear. Illusion? Yea some may be skeptical. “ Is this for real?”; “Don’t you think it’s too early to step in?”; “ You are still young.” Yada yada yada…

I don’t blame ya all. I just smile away.

Because I can see it coming.

Having a contented life with so much I can do about to love someone and myself, it grants me greater power to sprint and overtake many others. I can go way beyond. The engine has never stopped running.

It makes me a better person. I have found back the tune. Ain’t it awesome? I smile from the bottom of my heart everyday nowadays For the past 3 months I have no longer dwelt on this bloody thought anymore - Wake up and smell the coffee! it sucks big time. Instead, I have been surrounded by hopes, I feel energized. I'm still kicking! The fighter spirit is on an unconquerable revival.

I still look back the past. Pardon me? No, it’s not that I like to reminisce.

I look back as from there I know how silly I was. Yes I bloody was. But I forever thank God for pulling me in such chaotic track as I learned to understand what human nature means.

Being incompatible is not necessarily a means to define we are good or bad persons. Being compatible is not necessarily a means to judge we are either being worse off or superior. What’s vital is alas, I have found the right one.

I just love the way I am.
I just love the way you are.
I just love how our lives change and how our minds get so calm throughout the way when your hands are upon mine.

Rumour? Do you believe in “rumour kills”?
I only worship one belief – let time be the truth teller.

2009-11-07T17:20:00.002+11:00

You, complete me

I have gone through a series of changes in my life during the recent weeks.

Pain . Disheartened . Determined . Stressed .

And it soon moved on to

Calm . Comfort . Excited . Protected

And LOVED.

None of the transition in our lives can run away from pain. A pain that involves heart-wrenching days and nights, wet pillows accompanied me throughout the nightmare, finding for the glimpse of hope, and the worse part is, I had yet to find the answers. Everything was in uncertainty, thus I decided to flee, and move onto another platform where I can regain the true side of me.

No pain no gain.

Eventually, I've seen light in the dark, the light that can take me home.

I've found the comfort and the ultimate bliss that can make me warm.

Have I ever felt this beautiful spirit called the power of love?

It has again wrapped its arms around me.

Not only that, the more I unlock the unknown, the more determined I am of the one I choose to go for.

It's indescribable. To be precise....it's amazing. I am too overwhelmed to utter any words.

I do, cherish you, for the rest of my life, you don't have to think twice...

You know who you are...

:-*

2009-10-19T19:40:00.002+11:00

It takes two hands to clap.

So true.

It applies on every aspect in our lives.

-------------------------------------

Recently, I have been pretty much occupied by workload.

I love my job.

Art, communications, design, sales, property, authority.

I can see bright future ahead.

What matters the most is…

It is now within my reach.

And I hope, I really hope that the moment of triumph will sprinkle on me soon.

As soonest as possible, to be exact.

But,

I feel pressure is coming to haunt me down, again.

I feel suffocated.

I know I am capable. I know where my limit stands.

I am aware that I shall not fall.

Because I am about to see me falling.

Because I am worn out. Because I am dried out.

I… need comfort.

From the one I need the most. Yes, you.

But I know I shouldn't.

As I know...it occurs that you are the one who needs space and comfort in the first place.

I do my best...to counteract the clutch of unpleasant.

It's just like swallowing the moon.

Deep down I need to sort out the ways to heal while wounds springing up like mushrooms after the rain.

When you truly love someone, you find no doubts to love him/her.

-------------------------------------

But again,

It takes two to tango.

*fingers-crossed*

2009-09-18T16:31:00.004+10:00

支离破碎

你的信息，你的来电，你的所作所为，让我终于看清你阴险的一面。

我爱你。但我不能这样爱你。

我受不起。

你的情绪变化无常让你语无伦次。你的愤怒让你完全失控。

我们在互相地伤害着。

你一时的恶言相向，一时的低声下气，让我无法再捉摸你。

我只要简简单单的爱，而不是心理战术。

别再说我在实验着你。别再说我没定性。

别再一昧地认为我在耍你。感情不是一场儿戏。至少对我来说不是。

一段感情应该包含着体谅，尊重和理解。更重要的是信任。

可悲的是, 我们在彼此的身上已经找不到信任了。

脱口而出的都是毒性极深的诬赖，怀疑，人身攻击。

从中午1点48分至凌晨2点44分，212封的信息轰炸。

累。无法用言语形容的累。

泪。无法再为你而哭的泪。

这是一场耗神耗力的心理拉锯战。我们都两败俱伤。

之前说的海誓山盟,在一瞬间毁灭一旦.

我还是爱你。但还能维持多久? 不知道.

但我想小休一下,离开一下...

2009-09-06T03:31:00.002+10:00

23.58 和 00.01，电话信息铃声想起。读了你两封的信息....

我哭了。

是喜悦，也是心酸的泪。

这些都是曾经过去我们的日常对话。
但是现在读了之后...感触颇深。

我也笑了。

2009-09-05T17:37:00.003+10:00

不够，唉.......

我承认我做得不够，拒绝得不够。狠心得不够。
我的朋友都有尊重你，只是我还努力得不够吧。
很心痛，因为自己做得不够好而再次伤害我们得来不易的感情。
现在能做的就是反省，再反省，想出办法来处理我的人际关系。
现在对着房里的四面墙，我，茫然。

自闭，是好的。少见人，少是非。

2009-09-03T13:11:00.002+10:00

Again,

发现新大陆....

Dirty little secret...

Everyone has dirty little secrets...once revealed, your life will never be the same again.

Doomed? to be precise?

Or prospered?

Let's leave it as a mystery.

* Signed, sealed and buried*

2009-09-02T14:16:00.002+10:00

心情：空白。

我痛恨“好奇心的驱使下”。

搜查结果：很极端。
1) 梦幻泡影，给你无限憧憬；
2) 或是恶影连连，犹如好大的那么一把带刺的锤子当下地砸向你的心胸，痛不欲生。

还是少过问就好。
不需要太刻意。

眼睛放大一点，耳朵听话点，嘴巴少动一点，动作得体一点，头脑清醒一点。
最重要的是，谦卑。

2009-06-27T19:29:00.000+10:00

Test, a lifetime test

Everything Im going through now seems like a series of test that examines my patience level and tolerances towards variety of issues.
And it gives me better insights about myself, my characters, my strengths and weaknesses.

Though there were times I got defeated and went down to the slump, I have never given up to stand up strong and strive to be stronger.

Learning is an endless endeavour. And loving someone is a knowledge that requires lifetime experience to fulfill. It's incomparable to those sophisticated studies which you can come across in universities/colleges.
Having said that, it's not exactly a journey that may rip our lives apart but once you are enlightened and figuring out the tune, all the rectifications are like tips of finger whenever problems arise.

Sometimes, explanation is not necessary. Letting people understand is the key to have strong grip on a relationship.

2009-05-13T15:33:00.001+10:00

The past 3 weeks have not been easy to me.

During the end of last month, I had this severe gastric pain which had been bothering me for months, and it got fairly critical which I suffered from piecing pain on my stomach whenever I ate.

When the pain had it on way too much, I puked.

I decided to register for SCOPE check-up in Sunway Medical Center.

I was advised not to consume any food at least 4 hours prior to SCOPE.

Got myself a Starbucks Hot Choc, I walked over to admission counter to register myself as a Gastro dept patient.

My AIA agent consulted me to stay for the check-up for min 6 hours in the hospital in order to claim the insurance health cover.

The nurses from Digestive Program Ward put my name on the SCOPE patient list and instructed me to return to the ward at 2pm. NO FOOD TO BE CONSUMED BEFORE THE TEST.

I took a glance on my watch…. =_=*

It was only 930Am then. Fine, I waited.

So then I waited….

Click clock click clock…

At 1pm onwards, gastric stroke again. Wtf.

I realized that I actually did not have my dinner the previous day.

I felt lightheaded. I felt weaker as time went by.

Phone rang at 1:45pm, the nurse called up for blood test before the SCOPE. Thank god.

And guess what? The nurse spent 10 minutes to use the syringes to extract my blood.

She said my blood pressure was too low.

10 minutes! Imagine the needle was poked into my wrist and extracting my blood for 10 minutes!!! The nurse even hollered another nurse to massage my arm in order to smoothen the blood flow. OUCHHHH.

Went for ultrasound to scan my upper stomach. Nothing went wrong, fortunately.

Then I moved on to SCOPE.

I was sedated and fell asleep after 5 seconds.

I was sleeping for almost 1 hr though the SCOPE lasted for 10mins.

AND I SNORED! KANASAI. Nat was laughing over it again and again.

I was really weak after I was awake. My brain was moving so slow that I couldn’t talk nor walk properly.

Test result came out. The verdict time.

Rashes were shown in the picture, all scattered around my stomach. Eww.

Dr Jaxintha warned that if those rashes were not well taken care of, they might erect to become ulcers.

Causes of rashes: work stress, irregular meal hours, ciggie consumption and etc.

Then, while waiting for my medical bill, Nat brought me out for light lunch.

I vomited again as soon as I finished my porridge. The pain was unbearable.

Collected my medical report and prescription, I decided to drive home myself.

What’s next? I couldn’t recognize the direction due to the side effect of sedative.

I couldn’t even press buttons properly when I attempted to reply sms-es.

Called Nat and she drove me to her place. I stayed a night there and slept as much as I could.

I have been on prescription for the following weeks. Things have got better.

Stomach is getting better but all good things have seemed to come to an end at times.

Swine flu popped in, I had to call off my Melbourne Trip with babe.

Babe can’t travel out due to Sg govt restriction and she has been instructed to stay for possible cases in hospital.

Moreover, there has been a couple of suspected cases in Australia.

My flight ticket cost is confirmed burnt. No refund, no change of date as it is under value plan package.

Oh well, sometimes we just need to pay a bit of cost to get ourselves in a secured zone.

I had high fever 2 days ago. Body temperature sky-rocketed to 40.3 celsius.

The temperature hit so hard that I lost appetite and threw up again.

Took a day leave and rested. Nat was having fever too. Poor us.

I’m glad that both of us feel better today.

Curse the weather. People are falling sick nowadays because of the dreadful weather change. I feel as if I am living in an oven.

Alright peeps, as the weather is high on fire now, please take good care of your own self!

2009-04-23T13:21:00.012+10:00

Recently....

Sometimes in March

The Teng Zai Porridge near Seapark. Baby's recommendation. Thumbs Up!

Sometimes in April

Soho 1388, 3/4/2009

Me and Cindy, the GM of 1388 Golf Club, Seremban

Nyahaha, her sunglasses was senget dy...

*faint*

Phoebe and I

Glam hor? LOL. I looked so spastic

Lauren's surprised bday party, Enigma, 11/4/09

Penny Hun and I

Ok, that's kinda disturbing

JYN!!!

Company Training, The Legend Water Chalets @ Port Dickson
14-17/4/09

Girls talk huh

Monique looked exhausted after the training

Alan kena attacked. The ritual to welcome newbies.

Monique and I

In the balcony of my room.

view from my room

Ryan's Farewell Night,MarketPlace
18/4/09

Eileen and I

group photo 1

Group Photo 2

Stef, Eileen and I

Grandpa's birthday, SS2, 18/4/09

Me and bro

Do we look resemble alot?

Granpa and his bday cake

Company Exhibition, 17-18/4/09, J.W Marriott Hotel

Cam-whoring during the company exhibition

Sam, Monique and I

Sam and Monique

Next post will be up soon...

2009-03-18T14:23:00.002+11:00

I am getting extremely frustrated with this particular person who can’t seem to stop talking nonsense to mislead the others.

She does it as though it's her obligation or, to be exact, her JOB FUNCTION to tear others apart in forms of friendship and relationship.

It is so psychopathic of her.

Where does the basic compassion go?

And, for this certain issue, I feel as if I’m stuck in the middle.

I have the rights to clarify and to counteract, though I am aware of what exactly is going on.

Yet, I choose to ignore and remain silent.

I need no explanation.

Because I trust you from the bottom of my heart.

I wasn’t reluctant to defend you, baby N.

But I am certain that silence is the best defense.

She will flee once she doesn’t manage to get things she longs for.

I just got shocked to an update yesterday.

Never thought this would strike us…

It sounds like a joke. I frown as first, but I laughed like a kiddo afterwards.

Somehow, both of us are just so alike.

We are not born to exploit the law of attraction.

But it is a tendency from the other side.

Affection that doesn’t grow mutually.

When an uneven liking to someone is not managed wisely,

It may push one to a whirlpool of thoughts,

And in turn, he/she will fail to get hold onto judgment, to differentiate the right and the false. Accusations and biased come next.

Sometimes, human behaviours can be so predictable.

It’s like a cycle, a chart, a trend analysis, a statistics, a projection, a forecast.

All of a sudden, I have a strong enthusiasm in psychology. Hahaha.

2009-02-28T01:44:00.005+11:00

New Haircut

2009-02-19T05:22:00.002+11:00

Uncertainty.

I really run out of confidence actually.

You are inconsistent. You existence in my life has reflected my painful past.

Im scared of being hurt again. Just like how she hurt me.

Are you the one? Maybe not.

We will see.

2009-02-06T16:02:00.002+11:00

I have eliminated some silly thoughts.

I have decided to stop being one who just gives but rarely takes.

I have been wide awake and knowing what and whom I should care for and those I shouldn't even bother giving a f. damn.

I have organized my priorities.

I feel relieved.

2009-01-25T14:05:00.003+11:00

Flam's on Friday

Dahling Mandy has always wanted to bring me this restaurant to try their signature dish, the Squid Ink Pasta. There was once we went down to Bangsar to look for its branch but apparently they have shifted to Changkat Bukit Bintang, few lots away from Fangipani and opposite Cloth & Clef.
Btw, it is called Flam's Fine Dining Italian Restaurant & Wine Bar.

We had some duck fillet and seasoned mushrooms ravioli and Dahling's all-time-favourite squid ink pasta.
And yes, we had some cocktails too!
Oh, not to mention our small celebration for our ten years of friendship.
I'm really overwhelmed. She is someone so significant in my life whom I cant afford to lose.

The food is amazing. Authentic. Intriguing.
Truly indulgence :)

Photos to share....

2009-01-20T18:43:00.003+11:00

She passed me an article last night.

I think it is worth sharing here.

To love and to cherish.

" It takes two hands to clap, a good relationship involves both sides"

"The secret recipe for a happy and harmonious partnership is exercising words like compromise and adjust, and adulation and sweetness of speech."

"Removing ego and showing respect for each other is another crucial aspect to the success of a relationship."

"In a close buddy relationship, the love and affection continues to ignite and grow daily whenever they come in contact, thus leading to a healthy connection."

"Laughter is the invisible glue in a relationship."

"Trust is another ingredient because it allows both parties to feel secure and believe there is a future for their relationship."

"Instead of blaming their partner when something goes wrong, they should look inside themselves to see if there is something they can change."

"Relationships cannot be built in a just a day or two; it is a lifelong journey when two people decide to make a divine bond to be together."

2009-01-13T18:09:00.003+11:00

In the Mood of Journey from 2008 to 2009

It is 2009. Yea it know it is the 13rd day of year 2009.
Yet I just start feeling the thrill of the latest takeover recently.

365 days were gone just like a snapshot. Though there were times that I wished to prolong.
I went through either ultimate blessing moments and also days with sorrow.
I met new people. I met those I really loved/love.

Career, I encountered the worst downturn last year.
I nearly quit. I was worn out.
I cried. I screamed my doubts. I was manipulated by the ever-increasing disappointment.
I almost got eaten up by my own thoughts.
I stood up again. I hit few more sales.
But the circle has turned its head back again. Slump has haunted me till now.
I hope I can make a handsome comeback this year.

Friends, people come people go.
All the good buddies are not in KL.
I feel so left out somehow.
I enjoy being a social butterfly, but those encounters are mostly not as simple as you might have thought.
Players and hypocrites are scattered everywhere. SICK.
Should I carry on the game? Unless I have nothing lose.
I am lucky to have known a few awesome friends e.g Maybelle, ZS, Stef, Justin, all my god-brothers (Yee Kin, Simon, Roy), and many others.

Since late last year, I've changed? Have I not?
But I enjoy the changes if there is any.
I can do whatever I want to do.
I can meet whoever I want to spare my time with.

I'm sorry to those whom I've hurt. Especially you and my family.
I let you down. I've changed. I'm too exhausted to walk further.
I choose to walk away from the life we were working so hard to build started from scratch.

And the wound is still healing. I hope the cure will complete its task soon.
The day, we met again in the club, sarcasm filled in the thin air between us.
" you are really too much, I hate you so damn much." The first thought in my mind.
You provoked me, successfully.
I'm so puzzled. Have we really come into an agreement to rebuild our friendship before all this shit? Just...I find it hard to swallow the anger and disappointment.
I don't wanna dwell on this issue again.
I've decided to step backward and work harder for my tolerance.
I hope you will do the same.
No backfire. Last thing I will do.

My new year's resolution:
1. Be healthy
2. career advancement
3. Ever-lasting love from all my loved ones

2009-01-12T17:07:00.004+11:00

RESTLESS...

Been partying too much lately.
But got to meet up with some of my beloved friends from either KL or Melbourne.

Eventually dropped by WM's newly renovated soho office nearby Bandar Utama.
It needs a few more of touch-up.
Quite a cozy place I would say.

One day, along with darling Stef, we hit Red Box Plus in Pavilion after my work.
Just both of us, YES, sang like crazy for abt 2 hrs plus.
Throat got so dry after the intensive singing training, lol.
Went to Marketplace, it was Trasica's birthday.
She was no doubt the star of the night, dressing up glamarously.
I brought darling Stef along. Lauren and Amy joined us too.
Saw a few of familiar faces.
Danced like there was no tomorrow.
Some of them drank till they dropped dead so I became their nanny that night.
Sent them home and stuff.

Went out for drinks and shopping the other day with Lauren in Sunway Pyramid.
Burned a big hole in our pockets on tops and assessories.
Who overspent then? She, yea, not me.
Hahahahahah *evil laugh*.
I was the one who "enticed" her to buy nice stuff which I think they look good on her.

Drove to The Curve afterwards, met up with my super dearest babe Suen who just got back from Melbourne for holidays.
She is even more gorgeous now. I heart her.
Sadly to say, she is going to fly back to Melbourne on this wednesday.
So soon, that makes me miss her even badly :(
Here comes the funny part. Before fetching her back home, I couldnt find the car ticket.
So I just bluffed the security officer that my purse got stolen.
"Sorry lah, u kena bayar RM25 denda."
No choice lah, still need to pay the darn penalty.
I was so stupid enough that I took out my wallet! The officer was so stunned, wondering why the purse was still with me if it had got stolen?!
Then...bloody hell.
When I flipped opened my Burberry purse, the carpark ticket fell off. WTF
Got so embarassed.
Just fai fai cui handed him the ticket with RM2 and there I stormed out from the car park with blushed face.
Suen and I laughed hysterically in the car.
Such a joke of the day!!!!
Will meet her up tomorrow for Sheesha and booze at sky bar tomorrow night with Roc Vee and Betz.

Met up with another bunch of Melbourne Uni mates on Saturday at Sunway Pyramid.
The chicks gang includes Wernz, Ezien and her sis and Weng Wai.
Everyone changed. Of course in a good way.
Had not seen them for like...2-3 yrs?
Geez...am really glad to catch up with them.
Wernz slimmed down alot. GLAM LEH!!!!
She will trip bck to Melb this wk too. Sighs...all the good buddies are not in KL. Sien.
Ezien is on holidays now, just back from HK and soon will look for a new job in KL.
As for me, they said I slimmed down alot too. XD
Dinner in Dragon-i restaurant. Food wasnt too bad.
Hit another Melb buddy Thomas's place together afterwards.
Had hell alot of fun there.
Took some "family potrait" with them, will upload them soon.
Hit Quattro at 11pm. Tired shits. Dropped dead, my turn.
I was fortunate enough that Stef sent me home since I was in bad intoxication.
I'm sorry darling :( ...and thanks for everything. I owe you alot...

A week of plans and activities....I have decided to hibernate these few days....
tired. so damn tired.

2009-01-06T01:45:00.009+11:00

Melbourne 25th-30th December 2008

2008-12-24T13:49:00.003+11:00

Leaving On the Jet Plane

Homecoming to Melbourne 25th dec - 1st Jan. Flight is scheduled at 1235am, which in turn, I will countdown for Xmas in the airport. What an experience. I am expecting that might be a chaotic and bustling crowd of those rushing flights one after another. But yeah, I can't be bothered. The thrill of clinching onto Melbourne rendezvous has outweighed all.

I’ll meet up with a few friends for reunion session. I will step onto the ground of the greatest uni of Australia aka my second crib aka The University of Melbourne with my colleagues and friends. I can’t wait.

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year to everyone of you, have a blessed and blasting one!

Be right back after 1^st Jan 2009.

2008-12-22T19:49:00.006+11:00

Friday Night - Shangri-La - Urbanattic - Frangipani

Stef my darling, Zhanshen my dear, Ryan my man, Lee my new friend, Zyan my biological brother (LOL), Roy, Yeekin, Simon, Werner, Justin all my god brothers...

Love you all! Life wouldnt be so fun without you :)

2008-12-20T12:48:00.002+11:00

Fun and Fatigue

Back from a series of fun last night till almost dawn.

From Jap food-hunting in Shangri-la Hotel to Opening and Launching of Urbanattic Pub to Clubbing at Frangipani...

Was having slight headache...guess it must be the mixture of red wine, beer and vodka.

Slept at abt 530am but got awake by a phone call at 930am. =.=

And in two consecutive days I fetched only a total of 6 hours sleep. BWAHHH.

2008-12-16T14:40:00.012+11:00

Cityspace, Swissotel Singapore

Met up with babe in Singapore. Yes, again!
My babe wore very formal leh. Dont play play. She looked superb and adorable in her cocktail dress.
We had dinner in a HK cafe, Cineleisure. We had so many stories to share. We laughed hysterically until the auntie sitting at next table stared us in disgust. LOL
Then we took cab to the highlight of the night - CITYSPACE @ SWISSOTEL

It is located on the 70th floor. *gulp*

Cityspace is a sophisticated city bar, with stunning views of bustling city below. It is just fantastic. indescribable.

The mood is enriched by a pianist playing a few of nicely selected christmas songs....

Thumbs up!

Our Lychee Belini and Peach Belini. Yum.

And I brought her belated birthday gift.

The ambiance of the bar is exceptionally cozy and you could just lie on a sofa chair, unleashing your bothered mind, indulging to the live jazz music and xmas songs.

We had a very wonderful conversation. And constantly, we were thrilled to know both of us are going through very similar stage now. As in, "deja vu" is the best term that can describe how we felt. Even the wordings, behaviours, attitudes from some people we encountered respectively are 99% similar. Chill ran through our bodies when one of us spoke up things exactly in another's mind. Great minds think alike, indeed :)

The setback of Cityspace is its high-profiled customers and the luxurious setting of the venue thus smoking is prohibited. The customers there are mostly dressing to kill or in smart casual attire, so bo bian loh, we have to behave lah. We can't talk too loud, laugh like a bunch of baboons and smoke like two huge chimneys. General courtesy and manners is the code.

Nevertheless, we were so pleased to have each's company in such a terrific place. We talked as if there's no tomorrow. So much to share, so much to tell, so much to whinge, so much to laugh over. I am so thankful that you were there for me when I was down.

Due to the overly comfortable dim lights in cityspace that produces a rather poor environment for photo taking, we moved on to ladies restroom for cam-whoring session

I was bloody tired
Babe was still energetic

Babe camwhored
My turn!
Look at her super sexylicious lips
And compare mine...ok sorry i know it's gross.lol.
Our legs (So boh liao)
Babe snapped a photo on my tattoo
Wanted to cam-whore myself but was distracted to babe next to me...wondered what she was up to....see the next photo pls.
.....babe...wht r u doing....camwhore also must nice nice camwhore mah...
Babe was so delighted with the toilet lights. They accomplished our camwhore mission.
Let's dance, babe!~
Angel Belle and Angel Vin
Towards the end of photo shooting, we were utterly exhausted...
BUT...wrapped up with smiles on our faces!

I miss you heaps, Princess Maybelle.
Thanks for everything.
Thanks for the sharing.
Thanks for cheering me up.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for enlightening.

Huggie and Kisses.

2008-12-16T14:31:00.004+11:00

Xmas Deco in Orchard Rd, Singapore

2008-12-11T16:54:00.002+11:00

I find it so true. It tells exactly what's in my mind.

Hot N Cold - Lyrics

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah, you PMS like a bitch
I would know

Yeah, you always think
Always speak cryptically
I should know
That you're no good for me

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

We used to be just like twins, so in sync
The same energy now's a dead battery
Used to laugh 'bout nothing
Now you're plain boring
I should know
That you're not gonna change

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bipolar
Stuck on a rollercoaster
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down, down, down, down...

2008-12-09T22:21:00.003+11:00

I just cant hold back my tears when we were talking about my work crisis on the phone earlier. I"m sorry. Things have not been easy for me.

I thank all my friends who read my blog and never stop showering me with love, care and supports. I really appreciate your effort.

As for now, I need some time to think all over again. I don't know when I will regain my strength but I will give my best shot.

2008-12-09T19:30:00.000+11:00

Question Mark

I’ve been asked for countless times about what do I see myself in 10 years. It started when I was rolling in piles of books during uni days. Back then, I always began visualizing that I was probably in tailor-made working dress and sitting comfortably in a huge office, accompanied with luxurious or designer furniture. Besides, there was this branded notebook where my fingers frantically tapping on, replying emails to business moguls in my company clientele. I had presumed that Management Consultancy or M&A Business Planning Strategy would be the most potential industry that I would play around. I always had this “career-woman” icon that I looked forward to being one of those after I climbed onto the corporate ladder.

Everything constantly changed soon after I started work, notably your pre-set goals and visions. Somehow, random people and things in the surroundings intimidate me but part of them urges me to come close to the reality. Gradually, I learn to adapt to changes and revise my mindsets. And no doubt, things aint as easy as I thought. Management or Consultancy seems to be increasingly distant as I’m working on something so different currently. Not to mention about being a career-woman, though I oblige myself to become one before I turn 28, the path has not been progressing as fast as to my expectation.

Management and Sales are entirely diverse from one another. No matter how hard was I not denying on my capabilities, I eventually have to surrender to the cruel fact that I am NOT a salesperson. One may ask why I chose sales line in the first place. It was largely due to the limited options and resources I was given. Things were imperfect at times. It so happened that my current employer was referred from another company, knowing that I, a Melbourne Uni graduate, would be able to help promoting property in Australia. I scored and was straightaway recruited during my first interview. However, there stood a moment that I had mild speculation on this job offer. Am I going to perform to do sales? Am I making the most of my passion? My passion is about sharing exposure and experiences I’ve gained throughout the years staying in Melbourne. In the end, I made my decision to accept it in a hope that I would love my job as I might be more articulate in any events related to Australia, especially Melbourne.

My fellow workers are constantly amazed by the way I picture Melbourne. They can truly see how much I love this wonderful city. But no, it doesn’t necessarily help in business context. Business is business. By worshipping about how adorable and livable this city is merely helps a little bit when I am conducting my sales presentation. It only plays a small part to entice the buyers. The most important element in our sales talk is to lead the clients, enlarge the pros they see from a property, and to eliminate their doubts. Yet, enlarge may become exaggerate. More or less, it might turn out to be subtle fraudulent. There has been a few times that I failed to brainwash myself to believe in my products. I hesitated and questioned myself whether I should tell them the truth when clients confronted me with comparison between different properties. Friends out there who know me well will certainly agree that I am very real and truthful to people. However, I have to eject this tendency when I’m sitting with my clients. My superiors keep injecting me the mindset which my duty is to get a credit card from a client in order to proceed on a booking for a property. Subsequently, I will receive my entitlement to commissions. Then, my superiors will influence me to pursue for quality or to be exact, lavish lifestyle which I am burning my money on branded merchandises. They see it as a compulsory upgrade and a reflection on your status of being a damn money-making property agent. It comes down to a naked ground. It is all about money again.

There are times I conduct self-conversation. I speak to my heart. I speak to my mind. Am I meant to be a salesperson? Will an administrative or management position serve me better? Thousands of questions almost ate me up but I managed to be in control. I have been badly struck by the stage where I can’t do something that I was supposedly doing, that I was hoping for previously. I can barely stand the inner pressure, the inner sorrow and the urge of fleeing. It will just go off the rope one day. Sometimes, seeing my other friends being so contented with what they do and in the same time they are making comfortable living, my emotions again go down to the drain. The mind struggle has become increasingly intense but I yet to counteract it. However I don’t deny the fact that the job grants me great security which it can keep me in a comfort zone. Especially during this critical financial downturn when jobs are seen to be a big precious to sustainability, I have been advised not to let go this luxury in my hand.

I seek a change. Or should I stay and wait? I need some clues.

2008-12-08T11:20:00.003+11:00

Cough....cough......COUGH....

Flu again...arghh... my health condition is getting on my nerves.

I need to get well asap, otherwise I cant see my princess Belle this weekend!

Cough was getting erratic since the clubbing session at Oblique and Zouk on Sat night. Though I didnt drink much but I guess I caught cold again.

Zouk is becoming a little bit boring since the completion of the renovation. And hell, only 1 counter and entrance for all FIVE clubs patrons?! BLOODY packed ok! No system at all. Shame on you lah, Zouk!

Oblique aint too bad also. But it looks like a Chinese version of Fangipani. Cute gays are everywhere. *drools* BUT...majority are adik-s. Di Di lah. Only 19-21 yrs old. Kiddos still.

Thinking to catch a movie with darling later. Hopefully I wont cough until I get shooed away from the theatre. LOL.

2008-12-06T03:32:00.002+11:00

Fri-Day-Night

Didnt't do much in the office today. Was slacking abit sometimes. Met up with Amy for coffee break, keeping myself updated about what she has been up to. Not too bad. And yes, I've got a new dress for my blog. Love it.

Met up with L for dinner in Pavilion Mall. We shared quite a lot of things this time, and I was so sorry to hear about some crisis she has been going through. I cant elaborate here as she wants to keep it down. I wish I could help but the least I could do is to provide her unconditional mental support and to send my prayer for her everyday. Darling I know it's gonna be a rough journey but nothing can stop you as you are born to be a life warrior. I have faith in you. You always have my shoulder to cry on.

Drove to Starbucks @ Centrepoint for drinks with ZS and WM. It was a good catch-up. I managed to pour out my doubts and frustrations about my work to them. Undoubtedly, I felt so much better after the sharing. Not many people can understand what's troubling me. At least they are being the appropriate audience. Knowing that they are more experienced in business and things happen in corporate world, they could easily feel for me, understand me and correct me. Once again, thanks so much to darling WM. And of course, kinda worried of ZS. I hate to see him being in sorrow, finding himself in a maze because of some issues. He dwells too much on his own emotions. I just want to make him happy and find the right one in his life asap. I know I'm always there for you and willing to be all ears when you are in need. But I hope you can figure your way out to the life you pursue. I will be the first one giving you my wishes.

That's all the updates. Will blog more often nowadays since I'm so in love with my new blog template. LOL. Ciaoz.

2008-12-03T02:11:00.002+11:00

Fuck... having gastric again...

Have been having stomach cramp almost every time after meal...

Cant really eat much nowadays...weight loss is scaring me again...

Down to 47kg almost, from 53kg. Within just 40 days.

Need to consult doc asap.

2008-12-02T01:45:00.002+11:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRINCESS MAYBELLE!!!!!!!

MISS YOU HEAPS HEAPS HEAPS!

Gonna see you really soonest!!!!

Wanna give you a BIG WARM HUG so badly.

MUACKS and love love from Vin to Belle....

2008-11-28T13:51:00.002+11:00

Flying off to Kota Kinabalu at 1250pm today. Exhibition at Sutera Harbour Hotel.

Will take it as a getaway. I want to take a break, for my mind, yes, mentally.

Talked to babe last night, got to know she has the same problem too. So frustrating. And Im really sorry to know that she has gone through much terrible shits than me.
Babe...Im glad we are still coping well now, though some hiccups come along the way.

Babe...I cant wait to hv your company during our Melbourne trip next yr. It will be so fun taking you to awesome places in Melb and showing you how wonderful my life in Melbourne used to be.

Im going off now, cab is waiting outside.

See you guys around.

2008-11-27T11:13:00.003+11:00

Again

I really don't know what else I can say. It didn't just happen once. What do you expect me to say? Previously you were the one who agreed to forget the past and move on as a new person, have you ever walked the talk? NO.

Each time you have mood swings or you are haunted by thoughts, you throw the shit to me. Ask yourself, how many times has it been? And I always become the blame. I tried to help but you thought I was being self-centered, cold-blooded and so full of myself. You have no idea how much it hurts everytime you said these but I had to pretend that I dont care.

And you know I MUST sleep if I'm really tired. You know I will lose my temper if anyone doesnt want to put down the phone and let me sleep. I rather stop the conversation if I doze off throughout the phone call. And we can continue the next day! What if I miss out something important just because I doze off? ....again, Don't blame me! stop it. You just cant stop thinking that I treat you like shit, do you? If you dont feel nice with my reactions to your downturn, you blame me. If I just give my piece of advice and no hard feelings, you blame me. If I choose to give no answer to your questions, you blame me. Wtf is this? I have had enough!!!!

You have been so manipulated by your emotions. Everytime you promise me it wont happen again but...sighs...I'm done, ok? One more time, I will really wash my hands and walk away. I have plenty of shits to settle but I chose to listen to you because you are not just an ordinary friend. You might think I talk crap again,but whatever it is, go ahead if you start to hate me. I will give you some space.

2008-11-24T16:34:00.002+11:00

It's Monday again...

Well, am not feeling quite well today. Restless weeks back and forth.
Having migraine now.
Thinking of taking 1/2 leave. Wondering if Feli will approve. Will try asking soon.

Flying off to KK this coming fri. Yea, business trip again. Have never been there before though I have been told that the lifestyle is relatively laid-back and carefree. And hopefully Sabahians have extra disposable income for investment.

Gotta rest a while now.

2008-11-22T05:22:00.003+11:00

It is 2:23am now. Cant sleep. Oh well thanks to the red wine XD

Came back from dinner and wine session earlier from Mont Kiara with wheimeng, zs and yc. Dinner was at Tony Roma, Cineleisure. Got myself a grilled salmon salad but hell, it was really badly done. The salmon was not fresh at all. But I forced myself to swallow half piece of the fillet as I was really starving. Yet I got so nauseous so I puked in the ladies' room, the second time of the day. Recently have been suffering terrible appetite, as in I eat then I puke. Damn...getting abit of anorexia? And wm said I looked pale today. Seriously, I have no idea but I just found out that I've shedded 5kg since exactly a month ago. Even my manager Alvin was so awed to my drastic weight loss. The best part is now he cant make fun of my tummy anymore, game over! bwahahhaha. Sorry lah, it gets flatten already. Anyway, my pants and some shirts no longer fit. Gotta do some upgrading to my closet soon.

We continued our session at 42below Vodka Bar at Mont Kiara. Had some really interesting yet constructive discussions with them. We talked as if there is no tomorrow but sadly I need to work the next day, hence I needed to rush home early. They are great friends indeed. Thanks darling wm for his dinner treat and zs for the wine. Bill on me next time a'ight!

And yea, received a phone call from my close friend (Ms KBLK...LOL)after I got home.Another round of heartful conversation, so we laughed over silly jokes and whined over several downturns in our lives. It's always good to catch up with her esp both of us are going thru some tough times on different issues. Chatted for abt 2 hrs... And girl, thanks for the call, and I'm sure you feel the same too :)

Cant sleep. Arggghhh, I gotta work tomorrow. Feel so dead but I really cant sleep. The worse thing is I need to get up at 730 tmrw.
I supposedly need to be in the exhibition room by 9am....Now I can only fetch so little of sleep.
Die lah.

2008-11-19T15:00:00.002+11:00

Cant we stop?

There is this spirit, evil spirit inside me.
So there again I lost my temper. So there again, argument arose.
Being so contradict at times, I dunno why.
Too many thoughts in my mind. I feel as if I'm gonna break down at any minutes.

No, I'm definitely not in denial.
And yes, I lied. But I had to.
And yes it sounds even more hurting when you know I lied. But, I had to.
Ridiculous isnt it? I could have chosen to pour the right words. I shouldnt have.

Maybe you dont know me anymore. Just, maybe.
But I just hope that you could understand my feelings about what happened in between.
To be selfish in a way, I cant be bothered to put myself in ur shoes. I did. But I failed. But I'm not trying to make you feel like a fool.
It seems like there is a drill. It drills all issues so intense that I gradually move on to leave them aside. No dont get me wrong, I'm not avoiding. I just run out of words. Silence is what I am.
I cant take your words sometimes. I have lost the patience.

I'm sorry... everything has been so patchy.

2008-11-17T18:44:00.002+11:00

It's Monday again.

Back from Penang last night. Tired but delighted with the food hunting extravaganza with family. Will post up some photos soon.

Ciaoz!

2008-11-12T22:48:00.002+11:00

STOOOOPID!

Was rushing all the way to yoga class today which was scheduled at 715pm and I was sooooo glad to manage to be on time. Collected the class pass and went to change in the fitting room....

NABEH! I forgot to bring my yoga pants!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

No choice lah, kanasai! Went back to the counter and returned the pass. The receptionists were laughing hysterically on my careless act.

Drove home in a vry grumpy mood :(

2008-11-12T14:09:00.002+11:00

NGROUP

Lauren and I were having a short chat over MSN earlier, and she sent me a photo where Baby RayRay and I were "caught talking" on the beach during the NGROUP company trip to Cherating April last year, saying we got "jalan" that time. *pengsan*

Anyway, speaking of NGROUP, where I managed to get my first job after graduation, it is a company where I learned quite a fair bit. Though I tendered my resignation letter after being part of the company for only 1 month, there is no doubt that this company has taught me about survival skill. MD Mr Lim Han Bin, CEO Kevin Tan, and the corporate planning director CK Lim, the three musketeers used to inspire me alot. Notably CK Lim, whom I regarded him as my godfather " Lou Dao". We used to talk and text everyday even after I left the company. We even went out for coffee or dinner to get a lil bit of updates from one another.

Inspite of the flaws I have seen in NGROUP and their bloody pathetic employee benefits package (which leads to why NGROUP faced a split of partnership few months ago), I got to know a bunch of fantastic colleagues back then. Ray, Benny, Ben, Galen, Ginny, Hong, Kelvin Yau, Michael, Ivan, KT, Arrick and of course Lauren. I'm glad that we all still keep in touch nowadays.These people have been somewhat influential towards me, awaking me up from honeymoon and leading me to discover the real side of corporate world. Everything is not easy and in a sea of ambiguity. It takes time to adapt, to modify and to excel. Selling products which the market has been in a stage of saturation is seriously a big pain in the arse, however the challenges ahead can somehow sharpen our characteristics, knowledge, skills and capabilities. That's the reason why I don't blame NGROUP for implementing inhumane sales policy towards the staffs. Those are the things that help you survive.

As the NGROUP's saying goes, if you used to work for NGROUP, you can survive virtually everywhere. Oh well, I suppose so. I just cant deny that it is so true. Anyway, despite giving credits to NGROUP for facilitating my self-growth or likewise, keeping my job performance at absolute efficient level is the best way to thank NGROUP.

2008-11-11T17:23:00.006+11:00

Singapore Trip 7th-10th Nov 2008

Was assigned to work for another property exhibition in Spore again. Hell yea, again I got to meet up with my Singaporean close friends for food and chat.

On Saturday, to wash off the disappointment with the bad turn-outs for the exhibition, I met up with Princess Maybelle for dinner and drinks. Got to know another new friend Jassine, whom I thought she was only 25 or 26 y/o...in fact she is 30 dy! Wah biang...she keeps so well! Salute!

Our expedition kick started at California Pizza Kitchen somewhere nearby my hotel in Orchard. Was really delighted with the Peking Duck Pizza and the Latin American style pasta, cant remember the name anyway. We chatted and laughed throughout the dinner and again, we couldnt finish the food. Managed to get 15% discount of the total bill. Thanks to Belle's friend who apparently works for this restaurant.

Our stomachs were too bloated with those sinful food we had so we rushed off to toilet to settle our business, bwahahaha...Then we took MRT to Clark Quay for 2nd round. Too bad Jassine was abit tired so she didnt decide to join us. Belle and I were actually wanting to hit Timbre but unfortunately it was fully booked. Thus we finally settled down at Indochine for beer.

Talked and laughed again...our topics covered all issues and problems we have had. Beer and ciggies complemented our outing. Was really glad that we share a lot of things in common. And I was really fascinated by her life being a freelance model...and her pay of course. She can earn abt 5 digit for a single assignment, dont play play. Sibeh rich biatch she is. Well, part-time is part-time, she has been actually looking at the alternatives, of which she may quit nursing and involve in sales/marketing/PR. As in, she can really mingle around with ppl, u see. I hv seen alot of potential in her, so I can ensure that she will absolutely do fine if she chooses the path.

Indeed we talked and laughed alot over our lame jokes but deep down inside, I'm kinda upset seeing her being all alone in Spore and living on her own. It's not easy to survive there while being resented by all the complexity in workplace and especially, the people. Im not trying to condemn on the integrity of singaporean but I have been somewhat irritated by how singaporeans treat our fellow msians. All by all, we are still the same, I dont think there's any difference. Maybe it is largely because of jealousy? That they start doing some hanky-panky stuff to bully us when we are performing relatively well? I dunno, and I dont see the point.

Anyway, we were having booze until 2am something and wrapping up our expedition with ciggie break on a bridge where you can enjoy spectacular night view of Clarke Quay. Such a lovely place it is. We gave one another a big warm hug before I stepped out from a cab outside of the hotel I was staying.

Maybelle, a great friend whom I can share everything with, whom I can totally be myself when we hang out together. All the best for your future...and hang on there if there's any downturn in ur life. I know I will always back u up. This I promise you, babe...

Btw, some photos for upates!

So on Sunday, I had 2 second round of dinner with my ex Melbourne Uni mates. Was really excited to see them again after such a long time since our graduation. Hwee, May Ying, Steffi and her friend plus me got a really wonderful jap food at Tanglin Rd. So again, we chatted and got updated with one another's routine as white collar group. Knowing that all of them are currently working for big firms like E&Y, P&G...somehow I'm resented by the field I'm currently in. Being a property consultant in a small multinational enterprise is not something i'm pursuing for my entire life. I want to work for big company where I can be involved in cross-departmental tasks and job functions. By serving global firms is a way to obtain a platform to career upgrade, which I can get much decent pay if I am head hunted by some other firms during later stage.

Oh well, now I'm seriously considering looking into job opportunities in big firms...I'm still thinking anyway. There will be much more issues to dwell with if I were to walk away from property line and hop over to a totally different path. But yea, I'm kinda ready for it...

Anyway, back to the outing with Melb Uni folks, as the rest of them had to work tomorrow, so we hugged good bye again and looked forward to our next gathering soon. Girls, I really miss ya all heaps n heaps and yea, hopefully I will b able to work in spore in future.

Well, that's all the updates. Adios.

2008-10-22T20:19:00.003+11:00

I was browsing through my blog today and I read all the previous posts from the first day of my life in Melbourne until the day the plane which I travelled on touched down on KL land, and the subsequent chapters of my life…

I notice that I have gone through many ups and downs, in all aspects. I can’t literally describe the feelings. That includes bittersweet memories. With all the events I went through, with all the people I’ve known all these while, I’m grateful to them, giving their presences in my life, widening my vision and inspiring me the ways to tackle all the complexity.

My life as a student in Melbourne is so darn different. It feels even more overwhelming when I, who is currently a stressed white-collar group climbing onto corporate ladder, was trying to rewind my tracks in Melbourne. So different.

And it shows differences in comparison to my days being a fresh grad and newly exposed to the work life. I was in a world of temptation, sins and lies. And now, having said that, I still feel I’ve grown so much in these 2 years . Thankful, I truly am.

I just miss everything I used to have back then. It was an amazing experience. It was truly remarkable.

And also our journey of nearly 15 months...you know who you are...

2008-09-26T02:43:00.001+10:00

Princess Belle, GET WELL SOON.

Poor girl, how could you get so sicked till 42 degree strikes u? sighs...

Please take care of yourself, babe.

2008-09-22T15:07:00.002+10:00

Not sure if it is called Jinx, but really...Venice is giving me a real tough time.

Introduction, presentation, problem-solving, persuasion, closing deal, booking...then?

DROP-OUT.

fuck.

Some clients are really interesting. They love to find excuses when they regret buying. All sorts of ridiculous reasons. All the stupidity. All the dramas. So what's left? Is honesty is the last thing left revealed?

It's pathetic, people.

2008-08-06T12:28:00.005+10:00

Yoga Zone Malaysia Has Gone Burst?

Yes that's right. I'm sure everyone has seen the press coverage regarding to financial distress that dampens Yoga Zone (YZ) for almost 2 weeks. YZ was forced to close its 10 branches for the whole last week due to the undergoing transition to new management and difficulty to get yoga instructors to conduct classes as scheduled. Some yoga instructors have refused to be present for the classes as the management has owed them more than 2 months' salary.

Thank God, though Yoga Zone’s transition to a new management will take a longer period, classes have resumed. YEAY!

Me, as a devoted yogini and hardcore fan of YZ, there's no doubt that I feel so relieved of this great news. YZ have provided high quality of teaching and facilities. The teachers are those who have years of yoga experiences. Besides our native Malaysian instructors, teachers consist of various nationalities eg Indian, American, Canadian, Australian and so on. One good point about them is the way they conduct the classes, informative and interactive. Majority of them suffered different injuries that then lead them to pick up yoga as an alternative physiotherapy. Not only that, they really know how to teach by relating their previous injuries to yoga counterinjury postures. It helps so much to recover my neck spine injury. I'm greatly thankful to YZ. They really change my life.

It's definite that I feel so sorry about the financial crisis that strikes YZ so hard that they had to discontinue the classes for 2 weeks. Even though some branches have resumed some classes, the number of lessons has been reduced. No matter how, I'm going to attend the course on daily basis to show my small share of support. Besides, I have purchased their newly introduced survival package - RM99 as a month's membership. It can help YZ to settle its outstanding salary payable to teachers and some misc maintenance fees. At least, those cash can temporarily support YZ before the completion of the new management take-over.

OH YES, I am going to attend their Slim Hot class today. Looking forward to their make-over. YZ will never leave without its large pool of devoted members!

Those posts I can do:

Those posts I am currently learning:

2008-06-04T12:56:00.008+10:00

A Night With A Blend of Italian & Melbourne Sensations

Mom, bro and I had decided to hunt for quality books during the Sunday of the previous week, thus we went straight to KL Convention Center to attend the last day of International Chinese Book Fair 2008. I wouldn't say it was a buoyant experience as the hall was terribly jam-packed with people. The entrances were allocated at the end sides of the hall while the exits were in the middle of the venue where plenty of cash counters were just right across. It was such a stupid layout as the crowd queuing up before the counters was blocking the exits. *Cripes*! Sadly to say, my mood totally went down to the drain when I found myself being suffocated with the mass of people. Sien.

We proceeded to our three-some-dinner session after the MESS. Mom, bro and I seldom get together for food-hunting for ages. This time was my treat as I managed to sell another house last week. We were getting really excited before our arrival at NEROTECA Italian Deli and Wine Shop. NERO is located at Lorong Ceylon, behind the fine-dining restaurant strip, Changkat Bukit Bintang. It was bro’s 2nd visit to this cozy looking fine food haven. The first thought in my mind after my first glimpse on the building was:” OMG, it looks like those espresso bar and fine wine lounge in Fitzroy, Melbourne! * screamed underneath my throat*

The exterior of NEROTECA

When we arrived at the restaurant, every table was either already occupied or booked. Which is not unusual, I guess, given that some regard NEROTECA as currently the best Italian deli in town.

That reputation is not undeserved, as we're soon to discover. What's more, NEROTECA is a rarity of sorts in that it features a generous number of pork dishes in its menu, which is to say the fare is very NON-HALAL. *OINK..*

My heart was racing, being so curious and excited of knowing what they actually offer here. Comfortably seated and the menu was flipped open.

The next second…

\ ^0^ / ~~ lovely food… wOOhOOohHOO…

And so, to kick off the evening, we have the Special of The Day - Stracchino cheese cubes wrapped with seasonal smoked pork leg ham, it costs RM58 for 6 servings on a plate. For main, we ordered a big bowl of salad with some Smoked Salmon, tuna, tiger prawns, seasonal veggie, goat cheese with Balsamic Vinegar and premium olive oil; and a serve of Pesto Prawns Linguine.

We were greatly satisfied with the premium quality of food, especially my bro’s favourite, the Pesto Prawn, in which he commented as the best pesto pasta he has ever tried in KL. It's heavenly - clichés aside, there's no better way to describe it.

Bad thing is, we had forgotten to take photos on the food before we realized that the plates were emptied. SAD.

To round off our meal, we order Noche and Tiramisu for dessert, and a glass of Latte. Don't just take my word for it, but I think NEROTECA serves one of the best Tiramisu in town. It comes with the essential ingredient – Rum. We melt in pleasure...

Bill ended up was no big deal to me, as the quality of the food worth much more than I pay. NEROTECA rocks!

2008-05-21T15:00:00.002+10:00

TNT Kickboxing center

I have signed up for a kickboxing class recently. For your information, it's not gonna be those Mohammad Ali or Tyson 's stunts that brings you purpled eyes or broken nose. It's for the sake of self-defence and workout purpose. Surprisingly, female students have large occupied the studio room.

TNT Kickboxing Learning Center is located at Desa Sri Hartamas, just right opposite of the former Soda Club. I was introduced to this kick-ass sport by my colleague, Jun Tong. Together with another lady colleague, Sam, we attended the trial for free during end of April. It was awesome and I start to get addicted to it. After the trial, we immediately signed up for one-month pass for only RM50, but it costs RM100 for the subsequent month.

We went to our 2nd class yesterday. Wrapped my hands with the grips, we joined the pool of students for warm-up, then proceeded to the punching session. Everyone was designated to a puching bag and taught with few types of combo punch. After few rounds of combo, I was sweating like crazy, in the same time I felt good when I punched frantically on the punching bag, releasing all the work stress.

Then, we moved on to kicking session. 2 person partnered up and one would carry a kicking bag. I was allocated to team up with a guy. Funny to say, the guy was kinda freaked out as my kicking nearly pushed him to the ground. " You are so dangerous.." I nearly laughed the shit out of me when he said this with a pale face. Some kicking combo were really beautiful that I felt like Bruce Lee, ahaha.

After 50 mins of kicking and punching, we were brought to the cooling down session, with few rounds of push-ups and sit-ups.

Ahh, it was really awesome. Cant wait for the next session which will be...TOMORROW!

2008-05-20T15:16:00.004+10:00

Oh Yea.

I Love SNOOKER.

Cant get enough of it. Can't literally describe how it feels each time I enter the red and colour balls into the pockets.

I LOVE SNOOKER.

I LOVE MY RILEY CUE.

Me behind the Green cushioned table...

2008-05-13T19:53:00.003+10:00

I'm back from Penang.
I should conclude that this trip was not a typical business trip. It was rather a food hunting session i.e. Seafood fest.

We were bloated with crab, tiger prawns, squid, cod fish, abolone etc...
The dinning sessions were truly delightful. Everyone grabbed the food till the last breath, LOL.
Of course, the bill was expectedly burnt a big hole in Boss's wallet. However, boss was more than happy to pay as he was utterly satisfied with the beautiful cooked seafood.

Oh, before I forget, big thumb up for the Chao Kuey Teow at Lorong Selamat!

2008-05-08T14:53:00.002+10:00

I'm going up to Penang for company exhibition again tomorrow.
The exhibition will be on this weekend.

Gonna take a flight at 1:45pm tomorrow, reaching there at about 2pm...checking in and setting up the stuff.

Busy weekend ahead. Hopefully I wont be suffering huge neck pain when I work.

People, wish me luck!

2008-05-03T19:54:00.002+10:00

不知不觉，自己踏入社会大学已有一年的光景。
工作上的压力，无奈，刺激，欢悦，矛盾等等。。。已成了惯性作用的元素。
人啊，都是现实的。而我，一个只有二十三岁的女生，却必须屈服一个拜金主义社会才有的病态思维，学会如何从客户的钱包拿出十千令吉。十千令吉呵，是一间澳洲房地产的抵押金。
我不会婉转地说假话，我没有伶俐的口才。我不爱拐弯抹角。直直地，宽敞的，舒服的，一直往前走。但，狡猾狠狠地绊倒憨直。输了，站起来。我，站起来了。。。到底谁是赢家？

面具不是永恒的。虚伪的笑容终究会腐臭。可悲呵，我还是物质享受的猎人。所以，我是假人。

2008-04-07T14:39:00.001+10:00

IKEA

My mind keeps reminiscing our 'expedition' in IKEA. Looking at those lovely furniture and brilliant home interior design, the feelings deep down inside me were indescribable. I felt thrilled and am still finding the right words to speak my thoughts.

Throughout the window-shopping, we have been impressed by our constant agreements to many things, e.g. the placing of all sorts of furniture, the texture of our couch, the color of tables and chairs, mattress, paintings and photo frames for our gallery…. It’s phenomenal and inspiring. My feelings have been telling me that we will definitely make a perfect family life in our dream home. Home, a word that urges me to work harder, to strive for first-rate career and to give you my world.

Baby, I had a great day yesterday. It’s a day which we could visualize our future.

p/s: Awww...I really love the kitchen table, the huge chopping area and the built-in basin, you know which I am talking about. ARGGHHH I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!

2007-10-01T16:41:00.000+10:00

Places I wish to go

France
Milan and the lakes

Budapest

Greece

2007-10-01T15:55:00.000+10:00

Plans

Stuck in the middle of work and rounds of booze, I start to wonder if I could get a 365-day off, embarking to a journey where I dont need to bother any work stress. And in the same time, I wont be standing on the ground of Malaysia.

Getaway, a word that gives me a constant craving for long vacation which I have been planning for years. How I wish I could leave my career aside, take off my working suit, keep my business cards in the drawer of my desk, switch off my laptop and PDA, forfeit the identity as Shelvin Tan. In the mean time, buy an one-way air ticket to somewhere, carry a backpack, and...LEAVE.

Leave? or should I define in a more relevant way, Flee? flee from the unpleasant things and people that make me sick, flee from the uncertainties in life, flee from the inconsistency in human behaviours, flee from the inner struggles that almost push me away, flee from the notorious Malaysian mentality...In short, everything in Malaysia. I have had enough. I feel the urge to disappear.

All I ever want, is reside in a small little cozy apt unit at the fringe of any European cities. Perhaps, Greece. Greece is awesome and I'm so fascinated by those white cottages/houses surrounding the beaches, overlooking the breath-taking sea, which looks everblue, clear..and peaceful. Or Budapest...a city with hell lots of historical buildings, with the blend of both traditional and contemporary european culture. Or Norway, Italy, Spain... I am so longing to breathing in the air of freedom from another continent... leaving everything behind....
Well, though it is a plan, but it's not only just a plan, it's gonna happen. I have a strong feeling that...it's gonna happen very soon...

Till then...

2007-09-26T12:12:00.000+10:00

Few months in a snapshot - Pain, Busy, Exhausted.

The pain....
Neck spine problem, which has been very critical lately. Seeing doctor everyday does help however, it's subject to how well the doctor dignoses my problem. It has been so much pain all these while... I know I must be strong to fight, it's just that at times, I doubt my determination ...how long is it gonna stand?
--------------------------------------------------

It has been....4 months and 10 days....though I felt as if it happened yesterday...the wound is yet to heal....
It comes from the heart which used to endure grievance as if the pain was no biggie. However as time goes by, so much ambiguities and changes, the pain has reached an extent which the heart is no longer able to tell if those are things I should even care.

When a relationship didn't work during the preliminary stage, does it imply that it could be the same failure if there's any 2nd attempt? I've been asked the same question for couples of time. It leads me to analyse my past and present. Yet, everything is in a sea of ambiguity, there's no single correct answer. Unless, your are a prophet.

So much things in my mind but I have difficulty to convey my messages. I'm not emotionless nor heartless. Humans have feelings. However when those feelings have once again surfaced, I tend to hold back and stuff myself with thousands of reason/excuses. I hate to lie, but I'm still pulling back the flows. Joy and despair come along the way throughout the period.

In the past, to you, I might have surrenderred most of myself. Obviously, what had produced was like a knife piercing into my heart. However now, I rather take things easily, though I may not seem as if I care, deep down inside I know exactly how it feels, for it is the same bottomline, never change. I just hate to express it.

Up until now, I cant deny the fact that you are still in my heart.

2007-06-04T19:35:00.000+10:00

Things have been changing in a fast pace. I don't know if I have been left out or I'm still in the drill.

People have been changing in an even faster pace. Taking myself as the best real life example. Or should I say, I'm the worse candidate of all? Changes on Shelvin Tan, either good or bad, bewilderment has never ceased to stop haunting me.

Funny it may sound, cuz I'm terrified of myself, of the thoughts in my mind, of not being prudent before taking a next big step. I hurt my family, though I'm aware of my wrongful acts. I've changed in a way that I don't feel secure.

Welcome to the real world, Shelvin. Is there even a dark side in this world? A place where u can find Pandora's box. Should I flee? Should I stay? Everything comes with choices.

"It's time to go..." A famous line you can hear from Big Brother. Perhaps I, like those housemates being eliminated, should get voted out from the game. A game which rules without boundary.

2007-05-28T17:55:00.000+10:00

SIGH...STRESSED

Loser, I'm...

I deserve a big slap, waking me up from the honeymoon, please!

Sheesh! My previous efforts are not gonna be worthwhile if I keep falling ! Being a god-damnned slacker all this while has seriously jeopardized my career, my life, my family friends, my EVERYTHING.

I've lost the tune, seeing nothing but temptations which I have subconsciously immersed and worshipped the wild evil spirit. Overdosed.

WHERE THE HELL IS MY TRUESELF? I'm outta track.
I need to go back, back to somewhere I belong.

2007-05-17T12:05:00.000+10:00

Avril Lavigne When You're Gone Lyrics

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're goneThe face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

2007-05-12T11:14:00.000+10:00

Faith·ful (fāth'fəl)
adj.

Adhering firmly and devotedly, as to a person, cause, or idea; loyal.
Engaging in sex only with one's spouse or only with one's partner in a sexual relationship.
Having or full of faith.
Worthy of trust or belief; reliable.
Consistent with truth or actuality: a faithful reproduction of the portrait.

pl.n.

The practicing members of a religious faith, especially of Christianity or Islam: a pilgrimage to Mecca made by the faithful.
The steadfast adherents of a faith or cause: a meeting of the party faithful.

faithfully faith'ful·ly adv.
faithfulness faith'ful·ness n.

Invalid term for us. I mourn for us

2007-04-30T09:32:00.000+10:00

not pain 1 lah...hmm..a bit only lah...
LOL

2007-04-28T13:10:00.000+10:00

Just back from the KLIA, sending off my friend Irene, she is on the flight to Melbourne now.
Yes,Melbourne, the amazingly beautiful city which I had been in for 3 years.

Irene, a really caring and adorable young lady... wish you have some great and fantastic study experience in Melbourne and all the best in every endevour in your life there.

Enjoy every single second in Melbourne, it's gonna be awesome, really awesome.

And we will miss you, yes, for sure.

Take care, dear...

2007-04-26T13:12:00.000+10:00

Phew, my alcohol tahan-ness really diminishes.
Only 3 glasses of Jack Daniels (me proudly sponsored) with coke and 2 glasses Absolut Kurant with lemonade could make my head thousands tons of heavy.

Tipsiness, but still 40% sober. Geez, I was no longer Shelvin Tan, but a mischievous brat.

Oh, late greeting...

Happy 23rd, Lauren.... cheers!!

:)

2007-04-04T14:34:00.000+10:00

I want to get a tattoo

:)

2007-03-18T13:00:00.000+11:00

Appointment, Weekly Meeting, Awesome Lady's Night

A week has passed. My 2nd week in NGroup just gone in a split second. Now I truly can feel the value of time, and the importance to spend the less than ample time productively.

This week was a rather challenging one. Monday and Tuesday I was frantically making more than 160 calls, mix of cold calls and follow-up, doing hardcore telemarketing. Wed, Thurs and Fri were my days out for appointment, whereby I must travel around Klang Valley to meet my potential clients and do presentation.

The overall result was just ok. Fixed appointments were 15 but eventually 2 bad asses fong fei gei. 3 hotels are very likely to purchase, if their management appove, more than 40 units of Officestation will be proudly stocked out to them. Damn, I can feel the excitement. Rest ones are SMEs which intend to expand their business and need extra computers to cater future needs. If possible, sales may come in by next weekend.

So, 2 days of telemarketing, 3 days of "hungry appointments" (I didnt have free time for lunch!), to wrap it up, I did my best, but there is still a room for improvement. On wed morning, I was out for appointments with CEO in the morning, whereas Managing Director requested to come with me for the afternoon appointments. (Damn, I am spoonfed...) At the end of day, CEO thought that my presentation is good, but closing sales know-how is still a must. Whereas, as the MD sugggested, I need to enhance my presentation skill in terms of tune of use, eyes contact, gestures etc. I learned hell alot in just a day's time.

So, 5 days of work stress and experience of "hitting-on-the-wall", I definitely needed to chill out. Friday night, after a stressful weekly meeting with all the executives, managers and directors, I straightaway hit a bistro in Bukit Bintang with girls for dinner and drinks. A couple hours of lady's talk and fantastic liquor/beer, I feel I am upbrought to another level of corporate life.

My friend and I had a really wonderful talk which we discovered that we share so much commonality. Our conversation was non-stop, from work, family, and friends to love, life struggle, our exes-bf etc... I was thankful and blessed having such an awesome friend.

To prove myself as not another ordinary girl, I've decided to work like crazy for the next 3 months. I simply can't accept the scenario when I fail and join the group of more than 20 girls who quited NGroup in the past 2 years. This is so humiliating. I want to be somebody, and 2-3 years down the road, I want to leave with a name, whereby everyone in the group remembers me. Reaching midnight, after a few warning calls from our repesctive mum, we dragged ourselves back home. However, we've many upcoming chill out plans for the next week.

Saturday from morning to evening, I sent out quotations to clients, did some chatting with my aunt, surfed the net, did yoga and immersed into PS2 world of game. Dinner was a good one, which we went in a group of 7, and had some yummy Italian food in Dome Cafe, The Curve. Dome's barista is a very enperienced one, who made the best chai latte that sent me to orgasm, LOL. Then, met up with colleague and had couple of drinks in Sanctuary Bar (where you can see fucking alot of sluts dress to kill and dance like pole dancers).

2 nights of chilling out, I'm now again fueled with power to sprint all the way up next week. I must at least push a sale done before friday. I want to be somebody. Yes, I may sound very kiasu but this is me. I want to win and prove to the directors that they did not choose the wrong candidate!!!

2007-03-10T19:31:00.000+11:00

Tired....dead tired.

Have been working for a week. What I can conclude is...it's CRAZY.
Everyday gotta wake up at 6:30am, drive from home to workplace at 7:30am, bear another 60-75 mins of traffic congestion, reach company at 8:45am, start making calls on 9 sharp to 5:30pm, evaluation meeting on 5:45pm, meeting with Managing Director till 8;30pm, do paperwork till 9:15pm and go home. Reach home at 10pm.

No life, man....this is no life.

Pay is good, RM3000 plus commission. Workmates are thoughtful and willing to share. Working culture is motivating, Performance-based probation is challenging. So far, I've gotten the best appointment status amongst the rest of the newbies.

However, sometimes, people just cant go beyond self-limit. I'm so tired.

Should I move on? I have no idea.

2007-01-24T14:37:00.000+11:00

Time flies, it does. It scares me. It's gone within a blink.

Being back home for a month, I'm still struggling to settle down, to return as a proud Malaysian. No, I can't even feel proud to be a Malaysian. How pathetic. Got interviews from Loreal Malaysia and Maxis, the former one I attempted to 2nd round interview, yet it was hectic. I regretted underestimating them. It has been 3 weeks that they have not buzzed me for the final interview with Managing Director. I guess they fail me. But heck, it wouldn't shatter me.

Maxis have requested soft copy of my result transcript. Hopefully they will schedule me an interview shortly.

And now, I miss Melbourne badly.
I miss the forever irresistible Freddo Gelati with roche and durian flavour. God knows how it melts me.

I miss those days myself carrying the striking green shopping bag to Safeway, Coles and Victoria Market.

I miss my part-time employment in Banana Palm Curry House. Mei, Chung, Man Ye, Marcus, Tony, Pram, Ruoxi, Angel, Kelvin, Tim and Andrew, it was such an honour to be working with you guys.

I miss Kokoblack, of which the chili hot chocolate/mocha has deeply captured my sense of taste. It is the richest hot chocolate which made of the finest premium belgium chocolate melt.

I miss the organic/vegeterian food store located at the 1st floor in Melb Uni Student Union House. The pumpkin and tofu pie and the pumpkin roll with miso and tahini bread spread have been my all time favourite.

I miss Bailieu Library, which used to be my second home. A quarantine zone that drives all distraction away during exam period. My research and assignment center.

I miss the Hey Pesto cafe in Union House. The down-to-earth looking baritas makes the finest latte that I can find in Melb Uni, and boy, it is cheap!!! Their eggplant and roasted vege pizza are highly recommended.

I miss the Rowden White Library. The beanbags, the manga, the PC games and the DVDs with free rental.

I miss Melb Uni Sports center. They provide wide selection of sports equipment.

I miss the lunch hour live band on every tuesday, at North Court. And the free bbq...which has never failed to attract long queue.

I miss CTG mousetrap production casts and crew. I miss you guys hell alot, seriously.

I miss Boost Juice. The All Berry Bang....

I miss the yam buns from Breadtop bakery.

I miss NewQuay at Dockland...the ultimate waterfront city with pubs, restaurants, cafes and clubs.

I miss yumcha session in Sharkfins House, although their service attitude spoiled my appetite.

I miss every pot luck I had in Melbourne. Notably, Teddy's homemade stir fried rice cakes had made my day.

I miss Crown Casino.

I miss Nutturno on Lygon. The eggplant chips, the Nacho, the sinful cakes, the big mug of hot chocolate.

I miss Domino's pizza. 3 large pizzas for only $15.

I miss Shanghai Dumpling House.

I miss Maning Cafe at Canterbury. A MUST-GO FOR COFFEE LOVER. Try their Affogato. I'm sure you will not be bothered to try other affogato in any cafes after you have tried Maning's.

I miss the cherry picking session near Dandenong. It was the 1st time I have swallowed that large number of cherries in my whole life.

I miss the honey roasted macadamia nuts and cashew nuts sold in Coles.

I miss Subway.

I miss the savoury sticky date french crepe at Centre Place, between Flinders Ln and Collin St.

I miss Yarra River.

I miss Melbourne Central Shopping Mall, Myers and David Jones, Chadstone, Highpoint, Northcote.

I miss Krispy Kreme, the blueberry doughnut.

I miss the crazy Japanese Buffet at Brighton, especially the takoyaki and the beef and asparagus salad.

I miss clubbing in all clubs I have been to in Melbourne.

I miss Thomas and Wern Li. My food hunting partners; Suhui and Alice, my Monopoly gamers ( I know u miss my "nia-put", lol!) Victor, a special friend whom I knew during Mousetrap. Eric, Yubo, Na, Chao, Amy, Xiao, Abby, Li, Xiaowen, Alice, Joyce, JingYing, Sze Chern, Diana, etc....

I miss everything in Melbourne....just anything that enriched my life experience. Regardless good or bad, every single thing has been hugely meaningful and overwhelming to me.

2006-12-23T20:20:00.000+11:00

现在是下午五时，一人在云顶高原的starbucks coffee里使用无线互联网，闷得慌。
不知道是不是患上了毕业后的忧郁症，我觉得很郁闷，很没劲，加上颈椎病情没什么起色，上个礼拜在墨尔本又重重地摔了一交，伤及臀部的骨头，全身都感到疼痛。

倒霉，真的倒霉。

回来马来西亚，见到的都是人性的丑恶，接触的都是不文明的一面，我只想骂脏话。
其实我可以很愉快的接受自己这次的回归，但心情就是不好，不好，不好！一点都不好！！

我想呐喊，我想解脱，我快疯了！

我到底是怎么了？

2006-12-05T08:32:00.000+11:00

So love is wonderful, love is a bitch.

I have my very own set of principle of life. First of all, I believe my feeling and tend to follow what it tells me. Provided that my actions will generate universally acceptable outcomes, I mostly will not have second thoughts.

My perception of love has been changing time to time. Past experiences, undeniably, is occupied by either rapture and happiness or tears and disappointment. But it's such a shame that the latter outweighs the former. In the past, everytime I walked out from a relationship, I always quentioned my ability to love again, and sad to say, yes it decreases as I pass on.

However, this does NOT imply that my ex-es are lousy boyfriends. Of course, they aren't perfect too. The key problem is always that each's share of love and affection is greatly lop-sided. The rule of love states that women deserve to be pampered, but I don't really buy it. Or should I say, I rather make the relationship to be casual-like, but to be pampered once in awhile. Some guys are just pushing themselves too hard, deprived of being the best lovers, deeming it neccessary to "stick together" all the time, every single day. I asked them, " how about your private space?" and they went " My private space is being with you." *gulp* Oh hell, then how about MY OWN SPACE?!

It is a paradox. They claimed that my feeling was their priority, they'd do anything to make me feel comfortable. But, conflicts soon arose. They'd always come to me even though I had strongly clarified that I needed some space. I alleged them for being somewhat intrusive to my own life but they rebutted with " Your problems are my problems. I can handle that for you." It seems that their statement of " Your feeling is my priority" to be invalid. Seriously, I realy hate to have my plan of privacy spoilt regardless they're on good/bad intentions. Another thing I cannot stand is, " You need me. You need a guy to take care of you". Hello, what era is it now? Man's egotism always irritates me. I'm a believer of equality. Please do respect the fact that I CAN handle my problems alone. If I don't want you to be involved, just dont, unless I ask you to. You have your life, I have my life, isn't it wonderful? But it just doesn't work on me! How sad!

Everytime I started a relationship, I'd always tell my boy that I'm a noob and need time to get ready. Which means, I, unlike those normal gf/bf, won't adopt intimacy during the very first stage. Holding hands and hugging are my limit. Kissing on the cheek or forehead is the next phase (it could be a few months later). Kissing on lips - Only when I'm assured that he deserves it. Yet, my kissing-on-lips experiences in the past were rather involuntary. Most of them turned me down. French kiss, a splendid love act, I enjoy it, but I definitely WON'T give it if I'm outta mood. One of my ex-es always ignored my objection and just... did it. I regard it as coercive kiss and YUCK it fucking disgusted me. Why men are such desperate ones? They just love to take advantage of us (female) to please themselves. Why aren't they being understanding? Why can't they just GROW UP and learn the meaning of MUTUAL RESPECT?
On one hand, they pride themselves being considering to their significant ones, on the other hand, they keep breaking the rule. Ironic, isn't it?

Besides, I don't get it why some guys take it so hard to face the breakup and keep mesmerizing themselves the possibility to reconcile. Some of my ex-es accused me of rejecting their thought of being together again. I'm annoyed. How can I possibly go back to your arm if I don't love you anymore? How can I do this to both of us? Neither of us will be happy, and this relationship will turn sour. The recent ex, let's call him V, has given both of us a lot of hard time. I've been trying to remain a friend of his, or maybe, a good pal. But he always goes off the limit. I asked him to behave like a friend, take it natural, no hassle, no hurry. He, however, treats me well way too much, I feel ill at ease cuz I don't deserve it, and I mean it. I feel absurd of the thought that I might change my mind if he keeps doing this. Mismatch of personality is so damn obvious between us. So much clashes and differing perspectives. And now, he blamed me for still living in the past, but not looking at him as being the one who can walk me through the rest of my life. He called me a coward (but he said he didn't mean it, he rather regarded me as being timid, fine, still the same). Damn it, I couldn't bear it anymore and I defended, saying that he was the real coward who did not consent to the TRUTH, the truth that we are abso-fucking-lutely no longer a couple.

How can I be in love again??? It's just too hard, too hard.

2006-12-03T18:10:00.000+11:00

他妈的，fuck the world! Fuck my dignity! Fuck everything! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!!

Why is my dignity so freaking weakly guarded?! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!

I AM A COWARD??? YOU THINK SO ??? YOU THINK SO????

2006-11-27T11:09:00.000+11:00

Ok ok ok! No doubt, it has been a crazy week packed with fun and activities that eulogizes the end of my undergraduate life!

For your information, I killed off my very last exam paper on the previous monday. Well, again, too much to write, no single second to assure if you were on the right track, but boy, IT WAS OVER! low possibility to FAIL, P or H3 would be just nice.

I could smell the air of freedom, I want to slurge, though the end result is yet to either put a full stop or "to be continued" on my uni life, 3 years of ordeal, fun, tears and pleasure, I'm convinced of what I've gone through has changed my entire life. Taking balance between co-curriculum and part-time job while striving to score in my studies aint no easy task. I feel completed, to the extent that I achieve my goal being a student of The University of Melbourne, that I have learnt so much academically and socially, that I have made a group of wonderful friends, that I eventually HAVE REALIZED MY PARENT'S DREAM - have both of their children holding certificate dressed in handsome graduation gowns. I am too thrilled to describe how overwhelming I feel from the bottom of my heart. Never letting my parent down has been my priority, and I have no regrets now. Baba, Mama, Gege.... I can't even say how much I love you, it is infinity and unconditional.

So, what have I done the past few days?

Monday 20/11:
Had my last paper, not too bad. Went to Waterfront Seafood Restaurant in Crown Casino with Thomas. Had a dozen of oyster with Kalpartick and Monay dressings as entree, boy it was SLENDID YUMMY. Whole deep fried Burumundi with spices and vietnamese style salad aside as my main dish while Thomas had King Fish Cutlet. An excellent post-exam dinner, with interesting chat, cozy atmosphere and attentive waitors, we left with satisfaction. What's next? ARCADE! yea I know it sounds funny but we had alot of fun, and I was impressed with Thomas that he demonstrated awesome dancing skill while playing the dancing machine! Then, we met up with Alice and Aber (Do I spell wrong?) and had Banana cake, Black Forest and Hazelnut cake as supper in Greco. Head back to Alice's place and played Monopoly for 3 hours?! But yea, undeniably it was enjoyable for I collected so much money (I know it is fake money lah!) when all of players entered my territories. Slept at 4am, OMFG!

Tuesday 21/11:
Woke up at 8am, screw my bio clock, couldnt sleep more. Went out for movie - SAW III with my regular mate Thomas again. Fuck SAW III upside-down, it's way too much violence and disturbing scenes. People, please do not watch it if you love yourselves. I was covering my eyes throughout the movie, but it didn't help because even listening to the sound effects ( sounds of smashing human flesh into minced meat or pulling off the chains locked right into your ribcage and the scream of grievance) could drive you insane. I was horrified to nearly weep in the theatre. Both of us almost fainted and we left like two zombies half way of the movie. I threw up at I was home, feeling extremely nauseous and sick. I couldnt even eat any bit for dinner while I was working in Banana Palm Curry House. EWWW! Fuck the directors!

Wednesday 22/11:
Went to VicRoad office in Carlton to renew my car registration. The payment burned a big hole in my wallet, $530 for one-year renewal. But the procedure was fast and convenient. The officers were helpful and friendly. Went to dinner with my Management Gang in a Japanese Restaurant, and we all felt sad because it appeared to be our last gathering dinner in Melbourne and we had no idea how long after it would be our next reunion. By the way, we had Jap style BBQ, Sashimi and assorted Sushi, Takoyaki, raw beef salad and SAKE! Yes, Sake made everyone talk more and behave funny, wahaha, and we had taken some photos too.

Met with Victor after dinner. He was leaving to Shanghai the next day so we did some catch up. And we ended up falling asleep at my place. Before that, we had some not-so-joyful conversation. I had mixed feelings while talking to my ex-bf. Thinking back the coldwar we had the past few weeks, I wouldnt deny that maybe I was being abit harsh to him but I couldn't help it. I still care him, but I don't wish to move further, it stands still. Of course he has been very upset because he still likes me and thinks there still stands a chance for our reconciliation while I strongly dismiss this thought. I feel sorry to him, I owe him a great deal but again, being attached again is not in my to-do list now, unless I 've found someone I am eager to cling onto. He said he would do whatever he can to compensate his mistake during my stay in Shanghai. I feel lost if this is a wrong step but oh well, let's see how it goes.

23/11
Woke up freaking early to sort of sent Victor off. Thanks to him again for letting my family and I stay in his place after the end of lease of my place and before we fly back to msia during mid december. Slept for while before driving off to Sovereign Hill, Ballarat along with Thomas, Suhui, Alice, Aber and Wan Yan. 1 and a half hour drive was freaking enjoyable as Thomas and I made hell lot of wicked jokes throughout the journey and it drove off my sleepiness. Had a yummy brunch at Ballarat city centre, with a take-away latte that could help me stay awake the whole day. So there we were, paying $26 to Sovereign Hill, the historic goldmine in Australia, a cowboy-town-like tourist spot. Went to 2 underground trips to see how a goldmine would actually look like. A very meaningful journey I should say, though the blazing sun burned my skin. Not to mention the Sovereign Hill Musuem which gave us more insights about the goldmine history.

Headed back to Melbourne for dinner and we tried our luck to a famous Italian restaurant at High St but it was fully booked. So we turned to a cozy looking Jap and Western fusion restaurant next few doors ahead and the food was good. I had something light thanks to the sore throat developed by lack of sleep and awefully hot sun in Ballarat. Pancakes with fresh strawberries, lemon and sugar and spicy apple fillings as dessert. Went back home with high level of fatigue but I was pretty impressed by my stamina that I could drive the whole day with just 3 hrs sleep the night before.

Friday 24/11:
Went to meet up with Abby in the afternoon to get Mousetrap photo DVD, and met up with friends to discuss about my furniture sale. Before going to work, I did some catch up with Yee Fei adn Sze Chern at QV foodcourt. I think I talked too much cuz my sore throat was worse after that. Left restaurant earlier to meet up with Wernli, Thomas and Jimmy and we drove to NewQuay at docklands for late night drink. Thomas had no bar or pub drinking experience so I spent him something light to start with- Barcadi with coke, and he said it tasted like Pei Pa Gou! LOL! 1 drink is definitely not enough, I introduced him tequila shot and cowboy shot and taught him how to drink tequila without looking like a noob. Muahaha, damn it was full of fun to see Thomas drink like a man! Awesome!

We drove to Nutturno for supper, our all time favourite - Nacho and wedges. Again, we felt sad. This is the last time we could hang out foursome in Melbourne because Jimmy, Wernli and I are graduating whereas Thomas was going back to Msia for holiays the next day. Sigh....
The alcohol made a good sleep that night, haha. But....the next morning...

Saturday 25/11:
I woke up with fever.....gosh...must be the tequila shots that burned my throat, I lost my voice. And I couldnt swallow food in solid form so I could only eat some oat cereal. The rest of day I was just hanging around at home, doing yoga, surfing net, cleaning my room, vacuuming the living room.... Had some nice phone chat with mum, although my voice sounded WEIRD, but mum didnt seem to realise that, hahahaha.

Sunday 26/11:
Felt better. Drove to Royal Parade to help my friend Ruoxi moving her stuff to her new apartment nearby Vic Market. Then, we went to a wellknown cafe in South Melbourne, where a Japanese Barita works and makes heavenly yummy coffee which sent me to 'orgasm' when I just took a first sip of the latte! and some damn delicious western food like foccacia, burchestta, pizza and PANCAKE! And thanks Ruoxi for her treat~! Went to work after the wonderful lunch. Nothing special and it was a quiet sunday night.

So today....screw me, I feel a bit unwell again, my flu is back so I'm taking rest at home. So here I am blogging...haha.... Well, Yoga class later in the evening. Hopefully it helps ease the flu.

2006-11-18T10:48:00.000+11:00

礼拜四的那两个考试，说真的，我也不晓得到底脑袋瓜儿是否处于正常的状态，不晓得当五指紧握着钢笔飞快地挥洒abcd，或是食指麻木地轻按滑鼠左键以献出我对Business Law的忠诚，我的道理，我的分析，我的价值观，我的直觉，他们，亲爱的批改官，可否有精力嚼进我那看似毫无营养的答案。

现在只能告诉自己，我会没事的。

只剩下最后一张试卷了。距离礼拜一只剩下两天。

2006-11-13T10:36:00.000+11:00

Another week has gone. It is 7 days to go to the end of my ungrad life. To be exact, this is my final week being a Melb Uni student.

The weekend was nothing much, I did some Business Law revision, or threw myself into heaps of reading about stagnation of Japanese economic, sogo shosha, ningen kankei, yada yada yada.... Sometimes I'm clueless if I've done enough to be well-prepared. I hate to be paranoid as it's such a bad bad feeling. And, it, to some extent, has suppressed my confidence to score well for these subjects. Typical syndrome that you can find from an exam candidate.

And studying with sore neck and waist is such a TORTURE! Neck pain has diminished my effort to study for long hours. My left waist is hurt too. Must be the Yoga, I might have stretched too hard or pull in a wrong way. I have been unable to exercise as usual and I gained weight. Damn it.

Nov 16th, 9am - Principle of Business Law
2.15pm - Japanese Business and Institutions
20th, 2.15pm - Chinese Business and Economy

Dec 6th, 9am - Family fly to Melbourne
15th, 3:30pm - My graduation ceremony
19th, 3pm - Flying back to KL with family

I can't wait for the end of exam!!!

2006-11-11T09:20:00.000+11:00

Had my first paper at REB yesterday. It was pretty hectic. Too much to write, but 80% of crap. 20% of theoretical explanation. I was just scribbling down everything that were stuffed in my malfunctional brain. Oh well, hopefully my answers were not giving the tutor/ lecturer any trouble. I reckon I'd just deserve a H3 or P, but I cant be bothered anyway. I just wanna GRADUATE!

I've been making my way to law library to study the past few days. Law library is a much better study spot than bailieu. Everyone there is disciplined, not to mention the city view from the 5th floor windows are fantastic. Most importantly, based on my observation, there are lots of cute guys and pretty girls in the library! HoHo! *drool* *ahem* oh well, most of them are taken, and their partners are gorgeous people too. How sad...LOL

2 days ago, I was studying in a separated cubicle by the window. Something caught my eyes. Wow, there's a mark in the sky! "donut"! Haha, geez, I wonder if the pilot would be a lil bit dizzy by spinning the plane up side down. But yea, it was interesting so I took a photo.

No doubt, anxiety has flooded my heart,even more from today onward. I'll be having 2 papers on 16th, next thurs. That's insane. Business law and Japanese business, no joke, I seriously need a mnemonic device...boohoo...hate exam so freaking much!